Enlightenment or It’s Never-Ending Search

Every time the Dalai-Lama writes (or lends his name to) another book, riots of “enlightenment seekers” flood the bookstores in the hope that, this time, there will be something written in there that actually will make life a lot easier to cope with. He must know the answers, right? After all, Steven Segal considers him a wise man. Or maybe Deepak knows it. Not convinced? Ok, then join the club!

But what are people really looking after when they go to a religious retirement, or a new-age seminar? Everyone will say they’re looking for answers, but is the question really answerable? And what the hell is the enlightenment they seek so desperately? Most importantly, how come there are wise men out there who have all the answers and, yet, I can’t find it on the wikipedia???

During my entire teen years I studied thoroughly most of the subjects that promised answers to the questions above and meaning to our pathetic little lives. Everything from the regular religions to the exotic ones, going through the esoteric circles of astrology, numerology, spiritualism and whatever else you can think of. Yes, I was so drawn to these things that I’ve no doubt that, whatever you can think of on these subjects, I not only thought of too, but I researched it with all my heart. Thats why I say, nowadays, that any open-minded and dedicated “seeker” will eventually become a skeptic. You see, after studying and practicing all those things, meeting all kinds of “wise” people, I realized that the only thing differing me from those “enlightened” providers of vague answers was my self-esteem and, well… a little neurosis on their part. I just couldn’t believe that I had the same knowledge as they did, once they always seemed so sure of what they’re preaching. That applies to all the priests and priestesses, and all the esoteric/pseudo-science “experts” I met (yes, numerologists and astrologists think they’re scientists). They had to have the answers, and the reason I was never really satisfied was probably because they still knew something I didn’t! But I had to know, and, still as a believer, I sought those people with my questions.

For my surprise, every time I asked them something really important they’d dodged the question, showing a glow of fear in their eyes. Let me remark that they weren’t scammers, at all. I’m convinced that most of them really believed what they preached! What they feared, rather than being unmasked, was to have to deal with their own doubts. These people were so dependent on their beliefs that putting it at risk could really shake them to the core! It was a neurotic desperation I could see in their faces on those times. Some, though, didn’t get that shaky when confronted. The religious priests, mostly, would be contented to just spit some pre-made formula (usually absurd) on the table and pretend the question was answered.

What I took from all that was a nearly nihilistic vision. I say nearly because, although I’m no longer waiting for Mr. Godot, I still can’t rule out a certain sense of adventure in my life, a 0sense that there’s still much to search. I have experienced a lot of what a Neil Gaiman’s character called “weird shit”, which made me well aware of my (our?) ignorance; there are a lot of things I really can’t explain from what I lived in those days, so I’m not prone to commit lord Kelvin’s mistake by claiming that all the big mysteries of the universe have already been probed. Yet, if there are any answers out there, I’m pretty sure none of those self-righteous gurus have the slightest clue about it!

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